August 23, 2004

on bridal showers and bad fashion sense

I spent the weekend in New Jersey because I had to attend my sister's bridal shower. The second oldest will be taking the plunge in October. Showers are always boring but when you're assigned to assemble the bow-and-ribbon hat, time sure does fly at one of these things. Glass after glass of sangria also helps.

I made sure the hat was an extra obnoxious-looking bonnet with a tulle train hanging from the back. I considered it payback for all those years of torment at the hands of my older sister. I feel vindicated especially since she had many pictures taken with that ridiculous thing perched on top of her head. That'll teach her to give me Wet Freddies. Mwahahahahahahahaha!

My mother thought it would be a lovely idea to assemble a photo album of the soon-to-be-wed sister from infancy through present day. It was indeed a moving gesture but there's a big chunk in the middle with LOTS of bad hair, untweezed eyebrows and unfortunate 80s and early 90s ensembles... mostly mine. I was not pleased that this album made the rounds from table to table. We were able to view the album the night before under strict orders from the mother that we were not to remove any pictures. That was asking a lot. Oh man, there's one in particular that was beyond horrifying. I'm not going to go into detail but I will say this: bi-level hairdo, Umbro shorts, a Mickey Mouse shirt and a red and black POP Swatch. Imagine, if you will, that wardrobe on me while I was smack-dab in the middle of my gawky, awkward phase. Good God, I was an ugly fuck at that age.

My low self-esteem was well deserved mostly because of my ridiculously bad fashion sense. Those clothing choices were mine and mine alone. I'm going to lay partial blame with my hair stylist at the time because she could have told me that the curly mullet wasn't doing me any favors. Jesus Christ, on the days when the Jolen wore off, I resembled one half of Hall & Oates. Sigh... it's going to take a good few weeks before I can rid myself of the memory of my early teens. And even worse, I've got "Private Eyes" ::clap clap:: stuck in my head now. Looks like today's lunch is going to be a liquid one.