August 25, 2004

i'm here and, like, totally queer and stuff

Because I like to rail against the norm and defy convention, I rarely say, "Why yes, I am a lesbian," if asked. Similarly, when instigating the revelation, I seldom make a straight-forward, emphatic declaration about my sexual orientation. Instead, I like to mix it up a bit. Not out of shame, mind you, but rather because of my natural tendency to be a complete and total jackass. So now, I present to you, ways I have revealed or further illustrated that I'm a big ol' dyke:

1. I'm a big ol' dyke. (Other variations include: I'm a big ol' lesbo; big ol' queerbait; big ol' gaylord; big ol' rug muncher, etc.)

2. I played ridiculous amounts of softball growing up and attended the Lilith Fair. Do the math.

3. Dick? Yeah, not so much.

4. Boys are cute and all, but well, so is a puppy. Doesn't mean I want to fuck it.

5. I brake for boobies.

6. Dude, I'm like totally gay or whatever.

7. I'm one of ::looks left then right and whispers:: "the gays."

8. Yeah about that whole penis thing... could you not come near me with it?

9. Oh fuck it, who am I kidding? The "he" in this scenario has a vagina. It's a girl, okay?

10. I'm a lover o' the ladies... you know, a skirt chaser. In other words, I love me some o' that pootie tang.