sex smells

My cousin forwarded me the Tibetan Personality Test the other day. Now, I normally delete such forwards because I've seen most of them a thousand times over. I've done the whole ordering of cows, pigs and sheep several times already and if I'm to believe the results, I focus on money first and foremost in my life. Pardon moi but that's a load o' crap... Oh no wait... that's actually true. I hereby retract my sanctimony and will reuse it a later date.

Anyhoo, this test contained a question I hadn't seen before so I decided to give it a whirl. Here's the question that stood out:

Write one word that describes each one of the following:

Dog
Cat
Rat
Sea
Coffee

My answers:

Dog = friendly
Cat = sneaky
Rat = filthy
Sea = calm
Coffee = smell

Now here's the answer key:

Your description of dog implies your own personality.
My answer was "friendly" so SCORE for me! Anyone who disagrees can blow me.

Your description of cat implies the personality of your partner.
I don't have a partner. Jesus, is it any wonder since, according to this test, I'm totally paranoid and have trust issues?!?!

Your description of rat implies the personality of your enemies.
I don't have enemies. I mean, there are people I dislike but that doesn't stem from poor hygiene and grooming habits necessarily. Well, most of the time it doesn't. Bad fashion sense is most definitely a dealbreaker though.

Your description of the sea implies your own life.
I said calm. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That's a good one.

Your description of coffee is how you interpret sex.
Oh Jesus Christ. I said smell. I... don't... I'm speechless. Perhaps this is also why I don't have a partner since I associate the sex with the stank. But then again, if I were to follow the logic of this test, I should equate my partner with a cat. And since I also equate cats with that awful litter box smell... well, there you have it. It makes total sense now.

Note to self: Bring a clothespin and some Vicks Vap-o-Rub on my next hot date.