microchips here and there

So there's this new annoying chick who sits outside my office and she's on the phone constantly ironing out the niggly details of her life. Girlfriend's forever squabbling with her bank, credit card companies, landlord, etc. She bargain hunts and does some price comparisons over the phone, thanks people for their time and then frantically dials the next victim and goes through the same spiel all over again. She checks with her local bookstore frequently to see if the latest issue of some poetry magazine is in yet. Rest assured, by the sounds of things last night she was able to pick up a copy on her way home. I'm assuming this because she placed the phone down in the cradle with an ebullient, "Sweet!" This is a far cry from her rather violent hang-up last week upon which she bellowed, "Crooks!" Who the fuck says crooks nowadays? I mean, really.

All within earshot know her personal affairs... and we all hate her for it. She's new here and really has no business being so brash. Either simmer down, sweetie, or go into a conference room and the leave the rest of us to toil away in peace. Otherwise, the cold scowls and snarky IMs amongst your neighbors will continue. And I know you've noticed, toots.

A coworker and I have been skewering her daily. Once she lifts up the phone, we have an IM window at the ready to provide real-time commentary. On one of her recent calls, we threatened to copy down her credit card and social security numbers and make a mint off that information. Anyone need an identity?!?

I don't remember the origin of the comparison but we've also decided that she's a robot. Again, not sure what sparked it but we've been running with it ever since. I've even taken to calling her Vicki... even though her real name is Karen.

My mentioning the lead character in Small Wonder proved to be a welcome distraction from the real-life 'bot on a magazine hunt in our office. The coworker and I then partook in a rather lengthy -- and totally serious -- discussion about this dopey sitcom.

Now I'm not a philosophical person at all but certain topics do cause me to navel-gaze a wee bit. Like, didn't anyone notice that Vicki wore the same red-and-white dress EVERY day? And, hello, the girl didn't have a room of her own! Instead, she slept -- standing up! -- in a cabinet in her brother's room!! You mean to tell me nobody thought that was a bit inappropriate, not to mention cruel? And what about that voice? No one feared that her robotic monotone was maybe indicative of a larger developmental problem or something? Oh, come on now.

I found the apathy and ignorance particularly tough to digest considering the neighbor was played by Edie McClurg who really has built a cottage industry around playing busy-bodies, nosy hens and school administration officials ("They all think he's a righteous dude!") Edie and her ugly daughter did some sniffing around but it was half-assed at best. I call bullshit.

I realize how ridiculous I sound. But still, engaging in an earnest and in-depth discussion of a crappy, long-cancelled TV show is definitely preferable to listening to that ass munch outside my office searching high and low for a competitive APR.