September 18, 2004

in the merry old land of oz

I've never been to Australia but from what I understand, it's GORGEOUS. I would really love to visit and see for myself. After checking my site statistics tonight, I really need to make this trip. Thanks to StatCounter, I think I inadvertently learned a new bit of Aussie slang and I'm eager to test it out. No doubt it will help me stand out from the other Yanks who will only be talking about shrimp on the barbie and all that waltzing Matilda's apparently been doing.

My plan is to make my way to the continent, approach a local and call him/her a "freckle fart." Yes, a freckle fart. Why? Well, from what I can gather, someone Down Under was rendered SO speechless by this put-down that he/she felt compelled to Google "comebacks for if someone calls you a freckle fart." Apparently, it's quite the burn in Brisbane, Australia and somehow, Google decided that my humble blog was a viable solution to this verbal scourge.

Now I'm quite certain that I've written all of those words individually but just never in the same sentence. I sincerely apologize for the confusion, mate. I'm even sorrier to report that I don't have a good retort other than the standard-issue and very American "Fuck you!"

If you're averse to using profanity, I guess you could retaliate with sheer logic. To my knowledge, human emissions do not have freckles or any other blemish for that matter. Sure, gas can smell to high heaven but in terms of sun damage, I think it's safe to say it doesn't suffer from it. Let science speak for itself, if you'd rather not be potty-mouthed.

Again, I'm partial to a good old-fashioned "Oh, go fuck yourself" but I understand and respect that certain folks are a bit gun shy when it comes to dropping the F bomb. Regardless of your strategy, I wish you luck!

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to Orbitz to check fares to Sydney...