December 16, 2004

olfactory onomatopoeia

During today's meandering IM session with Jess, I expressed my displeasure with the bad smell that consistently haunts all Subway sandwich shops I've visited. I like Subway (mmm... 6-inch Veggie Delight) but the odor that greets me each time makes me crinkle up my nose in disgust. I grossed out Jess when I told her the smell was "yeasty." Hell, I grossed out myself when I said the word "yeasty."

To me, that word is a sense memory trigger. I reflexively sniff when I hear it and I instantly and vividly remember the stank. There are several words/terms that provide the same effect:
:: Scummy
:: Belch
:: Beefy
:: Musty
:: Dung
:: Cockey
:: Manure
:: Björk (LOVE LOVE LOVE her but I've always thought that her name sounded like a "milk burp." P.U.)
:: Bill O'Reilly (Suck on it, O'Reilly!)
:: Bated breath (I know it means something altogether different but I can't help but think of the smell of my Dad's tackle box combined with someone's kickin' halitosis.)
Speaking of bad breath, I feel like there are certain people that just have that look about them as if something crawled in their mouth and died. Don't know what it is exactly. For example, I've never met the following celebrities but I can't help but think that they could benefit from a tin of Altoids:
:: Michael Bloomberg
:: Bill O'Reilly (oooooooooooooh, double burn!)
:: Hugh Down
:: Jeff Goldblum
:: Frances Sternhagen
:: Charles Nelson Reilly
:: Carly Simon
:: The Guy Who Used to Play Sean Donely on General Hospital
:: Freddie Mercury (I know I shouldn't speak ill of a deceased legend but still, those teeth! I bet he did a lot of breathing through his mouth at night, which, as you may or may not know, is a leading culprit when it comes to morning breath.)
I'll add more to the list as they come to me. And I know you'll all be waiting with... bated breath. ::sniff:: Ew.

UPDATE: The list of smelly celebs is growing! Check out the comments and add your own!