Did you ever have one of those days when weird things seem to be magnetically attracted to you? No matter which way you look, there's something strange to be seen -- odd occurrences to the left accompanied by crazy-assed shit to the right. My morning definitely started out that way. While I was waiting to cross Atlantic Avenue this morning on my way to the subway, I heard a car violently beep its horn. I turned my head to follow the ruckus and I saw a woman wandering in traffic. I think she stepped off the curb to see if the bus was coming but somewhere within those five feet, she lost her bearings and all sense, apparently. She turned her back on the speeding traffic and was nearly flattened. A car horn honked and she jumped about 10 feet in the air and then slapped her hand down on the hood to show her displeasure. I've given drivers the stink eye myself but this woman was totally at fault. However, I do applaud her effective projection of "mutha fucka" so early in the morning. So clear and resonant! I'll curse before noon but the effectiveness is usually compromised by my fatigue and gravelly morning voice.
On the same corner, a young man holding a cane started shadow boxing with equal amounts of piss and vinegar behind each punch. I think the cane was more like a weapon or fashion accessory instead of a walking aid because he did not wobble or falter once during his elaborate sequence of punches. I was glad to be on the opposite corner because I envisioned him practicing martial arts with it next. I fear he was touched.
Oddly enough, the subway trip was rather uneventful. Actually, there could have been a streaking madwoman onboard, a robbery and a massive brawl for all I knew. Give me a seat and a fresh Daily News, and I'm dead to the world. My observation skills dip dramatically.
When I got into Manhattan, I decided to swing by the deli outside of my building to get a big-ass cup o' coffee and a cinnamon raisin bagel. I placed my order and stood dutifully on my side of the deli case while it was prepared. I heard a "whap!" and then a sliding noise. I looked down at my feet and what did I see but a piece of well-done toast mere inches from my shoe. I don't know where it came from. The deli is designed in such a way that I have to stand on my tippy toes (I'm 5'8") when leaning over the counter to retrieve my bagel from the employee. I highly doubt it cleared the counter based on the height. I also didn't see anything fly through the air. It would seem like the toast slid underneath the deli case but it's flush with the floor, I think. There's no room underneath it. And no one employed there seemed alarmed or confused that the piece of toast about to be buttered went astray. Health concerns aside, I'm really impressed with the spring mechanism in that toaster. I always have to fish my toast out with a utensil. I need to make note of the brand tomorrow.
