June 13, 2006

debunking the myth about marcie's sexuality

MarcieMore than one person has found his/her way to Ham & Cheese on Wry by questioning the nature of the relationship between one miss Peppermint Patty and her bespectacled buddy, Marcie.

Because I'm one of the gays and, you know, we all know each other, I can say without equivocation that no, Marcie is not a sister. It chagrins me to do so since, clearly, the recruitment efforts of another lesbian (hello, Peppermint Patty) were less-than-successful. But fear not, fellow dykes, at last check, Patty had surrendered her decoder ring and the secret handshake was changed so that she is no longer in-the-know. We can't have that kind of piss-poor lesbian in our midst at the monthly meetings, you see.

But back to Marcie... Total breeder. A breeder with jungle fever, no less. Girlfriend's totally got it bad for Franklin. And didn't she and Pierre partake in a little sumpin' sumpin' on that trip to France? Or am I mistaken? That Marcie gets around, yo. Not too shabby for a girl with Coke-bottle glasses and stringy hair.

Perhaps Marcie had a drunken one-time fling with Patty, but that's about it. If I had to guess, I'd say that dalliance occurred during the river rafting trip. Lesbian camping skills are a complete turn-on, after all.

If you want to discuss raging dykes within the Peanuts set, I'd say to look no further than The Little Red-Haired Girl. She's completely dismissive of Charlie Brown's advances. Downright hostile, you could say. I mean, I realize Charlie Brown could send Ann Coulter running into the loving arms of Condoleezza, but that's neither here or there. Besides, Condi's probably already hit that. Awwwwwwwwwww snap! Take down! Two points!

Ahem. The Little Red-Haired Girl is a complete closet case, if you ask me. But she'll soon discover her true self. It won't be long before she's the one calling Peppermint Patty "Sir," if you catch my meaning.

Psst, it means that Peppermint Patty is a stone butch. A total top, if you will.

Ew, you do NOT want to know what I just visualized. :: shudder ::

Photo: Peanuts